It’s so much easier, over the short haul, to lie to yourself.

But it adds up over time and makes your life a living hell.

So being honest with yourself, although difficult in the moment, is a lot more rewarding in the long run.

First, you have to admit it to yourself, whatever “it” is. Then you have to be able to say it out loud, and that makes it so much more real.

I had a fantastic conversation with my therapist this morning, and I was finally able to say “it” out loud.

My biggest fear in life is being alone.

That’s it. The biggest thing. My motivator in all things. And it has damaged (ruined?) relationships for me. It has hurt my career. It has made me, and those around me, suffer. If you’re one of the people I’ve hurt because I’m afraid of being rejected and abandoned, I’m sorry about that.

All because I’m afraid of being alone.

It’s okay to decline social invitations for events you don’t want to attend. The most important factor is deciding how you feel about attending … try to find the balance that works for you.

You’re not obligated to make it to every party, every christening or bar mitzvah, every wedding or graduation, every everything.

Other’s people guilt can only affect you if you let it. If they’re upset that you didn’t make their quilting/cosmetics/candle/cookware party, let ‘em be mad. That’s their problem; don’t make it yours.

I like saying no sometimes, even when the reason is so that I can simply stay at home with my boys.

That’s me, taking care of me.

I got an e-mail this morning from the Human Rights Campaign, which is a lobbying group working for equality for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people.

I know there are plenty of people out there who think being gay is wrong, and I know there are plenty of ignorant, bigoted people in this world.

It just really sucks that people elect them to public office.

Listen to what Sally Kern, an Oklahoma State Representative, thinks about me:

The governor of Oklahoma hasn’t even bothered to disagree with these remarks, despite receiving a sternly worded letter from the HRC.

If you’d like to tell Ms. Kern or her colleagues in Oklahoma what you think of her hate speech, I’d be happy to provide you with contact information.

Did you ever have one of those days where you just woke up, and for whatever reason, just felt cranky?

I slept okay.

Nothing happened.

I’m just … annoyed. Irritated? Angry?

(I’m sure other people have these mornings too.)

And I spent the 45 minutes of my drive to Somers telling myself to either figure out what was making me angry, find a reason to be happy and pleasant despite feeling annoyed, or (ideally) both.

No such luck.

I’m on my way into the city this morning for a fun-filled day of meetings. I’m excited about it, primarily because I haven’t seen Kelly in forever and we’re going to have some drinks after work.

But honey, it ain’t easy.

I got up extra early this morning (5:30, to be exact) to make sure I could be ready to go a few minutes before seven.

I was right on track … nice hot shower, dressed sharply, well fed (bagel with 1/3 less fat cream cheese and a glass of pineapple juice, thanks to Paul), and out the door!

The roads were clear and smooth, and I pulled into the parking lot at the Metro North New Hamburg station with about five minutes to park and get to the platform. (It’s the same distance from my house as the Poughkeepsie station, but because it’s further south it means I can spend ten fewer minutes on the train each way, and that’s a good thing.)

There were no parking spots!

Absolutely no metered spots available. Miles and miles of empty permit spots, but of course I don’t have a permit … it’s not like I schlep to NYC every day.

I drove around, checked each nook and cranny of that stupid lot, and generally expressed my exasperation in healthy and appropriate ways.

And then I called Paul, who surely would be able to fix this for me. (After all, he is my fixer, right?)

He said, “just park in the permit spots, and if you get a ticket we’ll worry about it later.”

Okay, but seriously, I shouldn’t have to. (This is where reality and I part, graciously.)  They should clear the snow out of the fifteen parking spots that are covered. I mean folks, it’s only 7:15 in the morning, and every spot is gone?

Oh, and Allright Parking is really not all right. It’s not good. It’s downright bad. I called them four times trying to see what to do, and three of those times, they hung up on me. The fourth time, I managed to speak with the lovely Christine. Her talent, charm and skill were evident from the moment she answered … I mean, folks, this is a woman who loves her job. She said, “Go to the next station. We can’t do anything about snow. Tickets are $12-25, depending on how many tickets you’ve had before.” Um, thanks. So I can drive down to Beacon and miss the next train too? No, thanks.

I left a nice note on my dashboard in the hopes that the MTA police don’t ticket me. Pretty please?

Kelly, have that drink ready pronto.

In case you didn’t realize, I have an opinion on just about everything. And I’m very rarely shy about sharing it.

This isn’t a new thing.

From the Morris County Daily Record, Friday, February 17, 1995:

Wharton is lax about snow-shoveling code

To the Editor:

As a student at Morris Hills Regional High School in Rockaway and a resident of Wharton, I must take the bus to school each day. This, obviously, dictates that I walk from my house to my bust stop each morning and return home from my bus stop to my house each afternoon.

While this usually is not a problem, recently was an exception. On Feb. 6, there was a great deal of snow on the ground … and on the sidewalks.

Perhaps many readers are unaware that in Wharton there is a borough ordinance that requires snow be removed within 24 hours after it has stopped falling.

For those of us who do know this law exists, we certainly know the Wharton Police Department is very lax in enforcing this ordinance.

I have written to the police department in the past about this problem, and I received neither an answer nor action.

Through their negligence, the police clearly express their lack of concern for both the high school students who travel to their bus stops each day and the younger students, many of whom walk from home to the borough’s public schools.

I suggest anyone concerned by this delinquency on the part of our borough’s police department call the police station and request this ordinance be enforced. It is crucial to provide safety not only for an entire walking community of students but for the rest of the population as well.

CHRIS WYBLE, Wharton

In case you’re wondering, I never got any response from anyone on it.

You win some, you lose some.

I had a really good session with my therapist this morning. We spent a lot of time talking about how I’m never satisfied … with anything. Ever.

So my therapist asked, "what is satisfaction? What does it mean to you to feel satisfied?"

And my honest answer was, "I don’t know."

Let’s think about that.

If I want to be satisfied, and I insist I’m not, but I don’t know what it means to be satisfied … then how can I be sure I’m not?

I’m going to spend some time this week thinking about what I really mean, and how I really feel, when I get angry/frustrated/upset about something.

Feel free to challenge me if you think I’m getting mad about one thing, and complaining about something else. It’ll be ugly, but you’ll really be helping.

Even though Paul and Luis disagree.

I’ve been following a few personal finance blogs, and today I clicked through a few links to find a post called "The 401k Debit Card."

I thought for sure it was a joke. After all, my 401(k) is an account for my tomorrows … when Paul and I retire, we can sit back and enjoy the money that we’re working hard to save today.

And since I’d like to retire at 50 or earlier, that means making a real commitment to saving today. By commitment, I mean saying no to the big screen TV or convertible we might like to have, and being smart about the money we do spend.

So please, tell me why on earth it would be a good idea for me to carry around a "debit card" in my wallet that would make deductions from my retirement savings?

First of all, it’s not a debit card. It’s a credit card. You are taking out a loan, and you have to pay it back (normally with interest).

Secondly, if you don’t pay it back, you’re subject to insane penalties for early withdrawal.

And finally, and most importantly for me, you’re jeopardizing your ability to retire when you want to, and/or limiting the kind of lifestyle you can live when you do ultimately retire.

Seriously folks. Take a look at your finances, and save what you can. Make smart choices. And whatever you do, don’t ignore tomorrow to pay for today.

I was just talking to Kelly about how our moods affect our bodies.

I think it’s crazy that just because I’m a little bit stressed, or nervous, or anxious, that my body should totally give up and just make the problem worse.

My digestive system should be disconnected from my mood.